I just heard the news that one of my mates just committed suicide and I’m really sad to hear that. It kind of reminds me of what I have been struggling with in the past and I want to write it down here. Please note that I don’t want to show it off so I can gain sympathy, but so just maybe someone can relate to my story and get some strength and inspiration.
Just like most of weirdos, I have experience of getting bullied a lot in school. I was shy, super skinny, and wore thick glasses. It got worse when they started making fun of my family. I really wanted to stand out but they were having each other’s hand to make my life a hell on earth. I was NOTHING. Even the nerds and the freaks had a community, I had not. I was like the lowest of the low.
Then I started high school and I enjoyed my first year because I never got bullied that much, and I started to make more friends, who then became my best friends. My high school career was incredible! Not until uni started. A few months after I started uni, I was diagnosed with GERD. I didn’t know much about it so I looked it up on the internet. Ever since I had GERD, my health had got worsened. It ruined my first year because I couldn’t study well and resulted in bad scores.
Weeks after my GERD diagnosis, again I was diagnosed with ‘weakened heart’ disease. I was so depressed and frustrated so I decided to take a gap year from uni. The diseases took everything away from me – happiness, my dreams, everything – and I didn’t have anything to live for. Everyday I only thought about death and sorrow. It took about 10 months to move on, when I dedicated my life to music. Music gave me strength. Music was healing, the cure of my depression. I started to run a healthy and positive life and be more grateful for everything God has given to me.
Slowly I got back on my feet and became The New Deny, the still GERD-and-weakened-heart-disease-surviving, but more positive Deny. I’m just one of millions of people who are struggling to live just as long as you do. I’m just sad if only because of a temporary problem, someone decides to takes his/her life away (a permanent solution).
So, if you feel really alone, like no one cares about you, I care, and God cares. If you feel like you’re less than everyone and have completely nothing to be proud of, you have YOURSELVES and that’s the best thing of you because you were created by The Most Perfect, the One that never does even a mistake.
I don’t know what you’re struggling with, or can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling right now because everyone’s struggling with different stuff but before you’re committing suicide, remember that some people are fighting their disease just to live a little bit longer. Remember how your family would feel if you committed suicide. Remember that someday the pain will be a story you can share to everyone whose life is too hard to live just like you. And remember that there’s always a seed, before there’s a rose. The more that it rains, the more we will grow.
We have a past. We have secrets, but we also have a FUTURE. Life is beautiful, and so are you. Live it beautifully.